No Way In Hell, Senpai
by ZareEraz
Summary: Established Haruhi/Tamaki. Haruhi is used to dealing with Tamaki's crazy and stupid ideas, and she's perfected shutting him down into an art. But what happens if Tamaki takes it wrong? And of course the rest of the Host Club is there too see it all! One shot, fluff.


A/N: ZareEraz here! This is one of several Valentine's related/cutisie fics I'm posting for Valentine's Day (whether Valentine's-y or not). I hope you enjoy it! And since I love hearing from you guys...don't forget to review! :3 Happy Valentine's Day! :3

No Way in Hell, Senpai

"HAAAARUUUUUUHHHHHIIIII!" An excited voice sang as it danced into the room, spinning like crazy. Haruhi just rolled her eyes as her energetic senpai's presence filled the room. It was always like that. Before Tamaki entered the room, no matter what the hosts were doing or what kind of mood they were in, the blonde's bubbly, happy and at times, annoying aura almost always picked up the atmosphere and hijacked onto some harebrained adventure. Tamaki came barreling into the room in his usual manner, coming to stop right in front of the boy-dressed girl and smiled like a begging puppy dog, hiding something behind his back.

"What is it, senpai?" Haruhi asked, slowly leaning to the side to peek at what mischief Tamaki could be hiding from her. Whatever it was it couldn't be good. And it wasn't.

"Haruhi! I've just had a fantastic idea!" Tamaki sang, his sparkling violet eyes huge. "You should try this on!~ You'll look so cute!~" The blonde upperclassman flashily revealed what he'd been hiding, the pink, frilly (and fashionable) dress fluttering down elegantly in ripples as Tamaki held it up. The brunette girl stared at it for a few moments, looking the halter top dress up and down once before answering.

"No way in hell, senpai." She stated, giving him a look that said you're-crazy-if-think-I'm-going-to-wear-that. Tamaki's face dropped at the sudden refusal and Haruhi just walked away, carrying her school bag over to her usual couch in the Host Club to get some work done before their customers arrived. Meanwhile, Tamaki had turned white and was quickly disintegrating on the spot. Kyoya just shook his head at the king of the Host Club while the twins chuckled behind their hands, mischievously stealing the dress out of Tamaki's hand before it disappeared, so that someday they could wrestle Haruhi into it on a dare or something. Honey just helped himself to another piece of cake.

…

Haruhi was walking out of Ouran Academy, heading towards the bus stop that would take her home for the day after her Host Club activities. The girl walked several blocks alone before she was near the stop, looking around the corner to see that the bus was just arriving and she still had time to catch it. Haruhi smiled to herself, the simple pleasure of actually making the time slot she'd planned on without the Host Club's craziness getting in the way a small miracle that didn't happen too often. That is…until Tamaki barreled up the sidewalk.

"Haaaruuuuhiiiii!" The blonde called, running up behind the girl. "Can I visit you're commoner's market again with you?" Haruhi put the kibosh on that before he could explode the situation again like he had last time he visited a supermarket with her (the whole Host Club had come and her father had dressed up to be seen with a bunch of cute boys and they'd run rampant around the store in carts and ogling magazines and commoner's products and it had been a mess trying to get them all out of there in a timely manner) and stuck out her foot as Tamaki ran by, tripping him so the blonde crashed to the ground on his face magnificently.

"No way in hell, senpai." The girl left the blonde for his chauffer to pick up and stepped onto the bus. "It's too much of a hassle to get you all out of there (and the rest of the Host Club will inevitably show up if you come) and my dad will want to talk to Kyoya-senpai and I have no desire to have him over for dinner tonight. And I've got homework to do." The doors closed behind Haruhi and her explanation and the bus drove away, leaving Tamaki on the sidewalk. And the fact that the rest of the Host Club was trailing him in several black Benz was not unknown to Haruhi as she sat down in the bus and pulled out her first homework assignment of the night.

…

"Anybody see Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi asked as she and the twins packed up their books at the end of class. They were headed to the club for business as usual, but the usual Tamaki interruptions that frequently occurred throughout the brunette's day were suspiciously missing. It was odd to say the least.

"Nope." Kaoru answered.

"Me neither." Hikaru replied. The twin's shrugged their shoulders and kept packing up their books.

"It's weird." The girl noted, looking over her shoulder and half expecting the blonde to be right behind her with another one of his harebrained ideas. But he wasn't, and the weirdness continued.

"Yeah, usually he's all up in our face about something or other." Kaoru placed his hands on his hips and tilted his head in thought.

"And being overly energetic about it too." Hikaru added, throwing one arm around his twin's shoulders.

"Well, I guess he's taking a break." Haruhi concluded, shouldering her book bag. "Let's go to the Host Club." The trio walked out of the classroom, waving and cheerfully greeting any girl that called out to them on the way to the Music Room. When they reached the Host Club, Tamakis absence throughout the day was explained. In a crazy twist of the normal routine, everyone was wearing Star Wars costumes. Tamaki was sitting on a throne-like chair, wearing the white robe-top, pants, boots and belt of Luke Skywalker, smiling charmingly. The person Haruhi suspected was Kyoya was standing (more like looming) over Luke-Tamaki, dressed in the black robotics and suit of Darth Vader, his conspicuously breathing ghosting over the space of the room. Mori was completely covered in fur, his Chewbaca costume enhanced by the boy's great height. And on his shoulder was a Jawa with a pink bunny that could only be Honey, his huge brownish-goldish eyes peeking out from the darkness under his brown hooded robes. Haruhi didn't even know what was going on at this point and stood dumfounded in the doorway, but she got even more confused when two identical Stormtroopers swaggered into the picture and stood by Vader-Kyoya, saluting the Sith Lord (who nodded in return) and stood at attention. Haruhi rolled her eyes and glared at the twins so hard that they could _feel_ it through their helmets.

"What is going on here?!" Haruhi gaped, staring at the haphazard crew from the famous franchise.

"We're hoping to appeal to the nerds in the next few days." Vader-Kyoya breathed, his voice deepened by the voice changer in the costume. He looked and sounded almost exactly like Darth Vader so much that is was scary. _He's nothing if not detail oriented,_ Haruhi commented internally. "So we were trying out our costumes.

"Raaawwwrrrr!" Chewbaca-Mori added, his surprisingly exact roar covering up Kyoya's breathing for a few seconds.

"Fair enough, no matter how weird it is." The girl commented. "And since when were you two in on this?!" Haruhi snapped, point an accusing finger at the Stormtrooper twins. They shrugged, looking at each other.

"We have no idea what you're talking about." Kaoru and Hikaru said from inside their white helmets.

"I've got a costume for you too, Haruhiiii!~" Luke-Tamaki held up two pieces of a costume that the girl knew wouldn't cover up anything on her body and she shivered in embarrassment just thinking about wearing it, and then narrowed her eyes, turning her embarrassment into anger. "It'll look so sexy on you!" Luke-Tamaki was in his own world, imaging his little Haruhi in the Princess Leia Golden Bikini outfit and how appealing she'd be. He was unaware of the growling, furious Wampa called Haruhi behind him.

"NO WAY IN HELL, SENPAI! I AM _NOT_ WEARING THAT!" The small brunette girl shouted, grabbing the bikini costume and spiriting it away out of the room.

"Any damage to that costume will go towards your debt to the Dark Side of the Force." Vader-Kyoya breathed through his voice changer, the threat much more menacing now that he was a Sith.

"Then you might as well add it on right now because I'm burning this thing!" Haruhi informed the Sith Lord. Vader-Kyoya took out his black book and wrote it down, breathing heavily all the while.

"Well, I guess that's the end of that." Jawa-Honey, his golden eyes peeking out from under his hood.

"Raaaawwwrrrr." Chewbaca-Mori agreed, scratching his furry arm.

…

In the aftermath of the Star Wars Cosplay Disaster, Tamaki was pouting in the corner of Music Room 3, still wearing his Luke costume because he was too depressed to take it off just yet. The rest of the hosts had already changed and just left him alone, carefully watching Haruhi for anymore outbursts as she attended to her guests. All of Tamaki's girls were disappointed, having to be turned away to other hosts as the blonde continued to pout in the corner, but Kyoya promised them that the Host Club King would be in top condition tomorrow and make it up to all of them. Out of the corner of the raven's eye, he gave Haruhi a look that told her that he was displease with how she'd handled the situation. Haruhi just raised an eyebrow at her upperclassman, giving him a look that said it was all Tamaki's doing that things had gotten out of hand…again. However, not wanting to get on the Shadow King's bad side, Haruhi worked her butt off and took a good portion of Tamaki's customers as repayment. Kyoya approved and stopped glaring at her discreetly.

The rest of the day passed smoothly (except for the Tamaki situation) and soon all the hosts were bidding their customers farewell until the next day and beginning to clean up the Music Room. Tamaki still refused to move from the corner so everyone just kept leaving him alone before they tricked out to go home and do homework and eat diamonds or whatever rich people did in their own leisure time. However, Tamaki still refused to move, even when Haruhi threatened to lock him inside until tomorrow if he didn't get up. Still the blonde didn't move. The brunette girl watched him for a moment, leaning against the door she was ready to close and sighed, seeing just how down the blonde was. She set down her school bag and walked over to Tamaki's Depression Corner, her footsteps echoing around the almost-empty room. She stood behind Tamaki once she'd reached him and waited for him to acknowledge her.

"Tamaki-senpai…" Haruhi called softly when he didn't turn around. Tamaki finally started moving, turning his head over his shoulder to look at the brunette, his eyes huge and full of tears.

"Haruhiiiii…do you hate me?" Tamaki's tears welled in his eyes, his hurt feelings coming out dramatically. But this was just a normal, sensitive Tamaki and Haruhi was well used to dealing with him by now. The brunette leaned in and gently kissed her senpai on the cheek, her lips lingering for just a few moments before coming away smiling. Tamaki was blushing, his eyes wide in surprise, but lit up like a Christmas tree.

"No way in hell, senpai." Haruhi giggled, knowing that she'd stumped her senpai once again.

…

Outside the club room's window, five boys were sitting on a window washing bench hanging down below the window, their heads just barely peeking up over the window sill. Kaoru and Hikaru were crying in sadness (especially Hikaru since he liked Haruhi more than Kaoru did), but they'd (kind of) gotten used to them secretly dating (so the female student body wouldn't kill Haruhi for pretending to be a boy and _then_ dating the most popular guy in school) but it was still hard to see them in a romantic light. Mori was staring stone faced at the couple in the Music Room, watching quietly and Honey was sitting on his shoulder, the blonde's head conspicuously poking above the window sill. But Tamaki and Haruhi didn't seem to notice at all as they talked inside. And smack in the middle of all of them, Kyoya was still writing in his black book, and for some unforeseeable reason, he'd put his Vader helmet back on. And everyone just let him do it, no questions asked.

"Its sooooo unfair!" Hikaru complained for the millionth time since Tamaki and Haruhi had started dating. "Why is the boss so lucky?!"

"Maybe you're just not charming enough." Vader-Kyoya breathed.

"Now hold on!" Kaoru interjected, taking his twin's side. "We're plenty charming!"

"But Haruhi chose Tamaki in the end, didn't she?" Vader-Kyoya replied, playing the Devil's advocate. "That means that she must just prefer his type of charm."

"But Haru-chan is charming too! She stole Tama-chan's heart!" Honey added, squeezing Usa-chan tightly.

"Well, then…" Vader-Kyoya started, "If she's charming…we can have her be Han Solo for our cosplay. That way, she's not wearing that bikini she'd going to burn and we can still protect her female physicality from the student body. It's a pretty good fit actually." Vader-Kyoya said smugly, his comment completely throwing off the original conversation. The twins gave him a doubtful look, Honey's smiled disappeared as he got curious as to how Kyoya got on that topic again and Mori just stared at the Vader with his normal face.

"Are you still thinking about that?" The twins asked at the same time.

"I'm just keeping options open." The Sith Lord-Ouran student replied. "Do you know how much these detailed costumes cost? We'd better use them."

"If we don't, can't we just send them back?" Honey asked innocently. Vader-Kyoya swiveled his head around menacingly and the smaller boy could almost feel his glare thought the black eye sockets of the helmet and Honey debated snatching the thing off of Kyoya's head the burying it deep in the earth where the Shadow King would never find it again, that way he couldn't scare the shit out of anyone with it again (like he was doing now). But despite the threat hidden behind the helmet, the deep voice that came out in reply resembled a light innocent comment.

"No way in hell, senpai." Kyoya went back to writing in his black book and the twins and Mori and Honey all scooted away slowly from the boy who'd become quite attached to his helmet.

A/N: And there you go! Hope you all liked it and don't forget to review! :3


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